I’ve returned to school to work for the entire the summer which could have been a really good decision or an absolutely terrible one. There’s no where to really do anything which sucks but because of that there isn’t anywhere to spend money so I can stock cash money before I blow it all on gadgets I don’t need or clothes that I won’t wear.
The professor who I’m supposed to be working with canceled my meeting with her the day I arrived so I’ve missed a week or work. Hopefully she compensate me for the week that I’ve had to live here without any source of income or i’ll be getting a bill for unpaid meals and for the room I’m staying in on campus.
I’m not really sure how to approach the “Hey, can you give me some amount of pay for sitting around here for a week waiting for you to get your shit together” conversation but hopefully I’ll be able to put it more eloquently than that by the time we meet on Friday. If worst comes to worst I’ll pay it with my own money but that kind of defeats the purpose of having a job.
Another thing that could be either beneficial or completely suck about being back at school is Rob. He’s around, 5 minutes off of campus which means there will undoubtedly be some awkward run-ins, the first of which I had today. :-/
I was almost 100 percent positive that the grocery store did not put the jelly and peanut butter next to the bread (which was , in fact, false) so I so I found myself somewhere in the snack isle searching for them.
Thats when I ran into him.
As much as it pains me to admit it that weird “i-like-you” feeling crept up it did. He was yapping on the phone to his mother so I just waved and walked away, not really wanting to invite a conversation and I thought he’d got the clue. I was there for groceries only, not casual conversation with the boy who laughed in my face less than a month earlier when I told him how I felt about him. 6 years of therapy undone in 30 seconds. (hyperbole – i hope!)
Anyway, I walked away. I scoured through the store, still searching for jelly, avoiding him with my friend Ann who had brought me to the store. After finally crossing off everything that was on my list I walked up to the self serve check out line. Fuck. There he was right behind me, his cart empty, he was obviously looking for me.
We had small talk.
Small talk. But it was awkward small talk. I fucking hate awkward small talk. That’s what we did for 10 minutes. Its like we reverted to being third grade boys. Ugh.
The conversation ended with me slowly back pedaling towards the door. Also awkward. He called after me: something about calling me later on this week or weekend. I gave the awkward head nod and when I turned around I cringed.
Not out of fear of him actually calling me. The fear that we’ll never be able to just be friends. I’d rather not have to see him since relationship limbo thing where neither of us knows what we are isn’t working out for me. Friends or relationship of some sort. Pick one! (I vote friends though. Much easier to deal with)
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